Sorry I Touched Your Tit.

Happy 2015 y'all. I hope you welcomed it warmly and with people you like. I personally had a great time. I accidentally ate too large of a serving of mashed potatoes with dinner, then had to drink coffee at 9:15pm in order to make sure I could stay awake for the toll of midnight. Just before the ball drop, I ventured to a bar in Brooklyn with a few of my nearest and dearest, at which point we observed a fire lick up the side of a building across the street. Someone decided to #laterGrinch and light a discarded Christmas tree on fire next to a pile of garbage.

And just as I thought the fire was going to rage out of control, a large woman came storming out of the bar with two fire extinguishers and attempted to quell the flame. She was strong, determined, and if I had to guess, of German or Dutch descent, with a perfect uptown fade.

She failed, but the fire department showed up and everything was fine.

Not too long after, I was lurking in the back of the bar waiting for my turn at karaoke when I saw her walking past me to put the empty extinguishers in the back. I looked at her and said, "Hey, you're a hero." She laughed, we exchanged pithy banter, and just before she left she made a hand gesture that ended up resulting in full graze-like contact with my left boob.

We stood for a minute in silence until she said, "Sorry I touched your tit. Happy new year." She walked away and the MC called me and life went on.

But after "Heart of Glass" ended and I put the mic down, I got to thinking about her touching my tit. I mean, it was completely accidental. But at the same time, she touched my tit. And sure, that's happened to me before. However, most of the time when my tit is getting touched, I have some sort of say in it. Much of the time, it's partially my idea. That's life though, isn't it? This woman got to second base with me and I didn't even see it coming.

Then I realized, "sorry I touched your tit" is basically a metaphor for my philosophy on life. Rarely plan, seldom think ahead. I just go on touching and apologizing.

So in the spirit of the new year, I'd like to talk about some of the happy accidents I experienced in the last. I know that it would be more typical to talk about what I'll be doing this year, but I have no idea what I'll be doing this year.

Let's have some fun. Why don't I tell you about it like a bunch of movie trailers. Yeah, Gab! Good idea.

2014- The year I attempted to spend a summer without air conditioning, and eventually snapped.
Summer lovin'? More like summer oven. You'll break a sweat laughing at this hilarious romantic comedy about a girl and her AC unit. 

2014- The year I went to Iceland.
Last Spring, find out what happened when Gab travelled to a land of gnome homes, natural salty hot springs, and a food pyramid that contains only meat and bread. Also Bjork. 

2014- The year I went to Cape Cod during Bear Week with my mom and little sister.
Who needs a buttery lobster roll when there are hairy bear rolls aplenty?

Enjoy the visual for a moment.

2014- The year I got a corporate job.
This thriller will have you on the edge of your seat as you watch what happens when an English major figures out her skills are useful in other settings than poetry workshop and finds a way to go to bed without having nightmares of defaulting on her student loans. 

2014- The year I read The Hunger Games series.
Follow Gab on her journey as she realizes she'll never be Katniss, just as she could never be Hermione...

2014- The year I took my 3 year-old niece to the Bronx Zoo for a day.
Ever been tired? Really tired? Well not as tired as you'll be after watching this action packed adventure between an aunt just trying to be the cool one, and a 3 year old on a mission to save the world by telling each stranger she sees not to talk to strangers and rescuing every foreign object she can by putting it in her mouth.

Seriously though, I have no idea how my sister does that all the time.

2014- The year I got back to my blog.
Watch this heartwarming story between a girl and her own self unfold as she wistfully lays out random stories onto the internet, in hopes of joining the rest of the universe in its quest to be a stahhh.

I think I feel done now. I mean, I did other things last year, but it's like when Forest Gump was done running.

Alright 2014, sorry I touched your tit.