Tuesday, January 27, 2015

I Unknowingly Traded My Ponies for a 9-5.

I'd like to, eventually, be what most people would consider an interesting person.

For clarification purposes, let me provide some synonyms:
- Fascinating
- Riveting
- Compelling
- Captivating

I could go on, but if you really need more, just Google it.

It's not that I think I'm a terribly boring person, it's just that after a few years of being in the "work force" I realized that it's really hard to have hobbies.
Looking back on it now, it seems like my life up until age 23 basically was a hobby. All I did was fart around. Everything was breezy and exciting and I didn't do a single thing I wasn't interested in. I was going to be a freelance writer and a performer and just whatever happened, happened.

Then Sallie Mae was like, "lol."

So I went out and stumbled through a number of jobs until I landed in one I am ok with enough to keep doing. It was not long after adapting this 9-5 type of routine that I realized how hard it is to have hobbies. My days all looked very similar.

6:21am- Alarm goes off and I immediately hit snooze, understanding that when I told myself I was going to get to the gym by 7am, I really knew I meant 7:20am.

8am- I get home and shower rapidly, half-heartedly rub make-up all over my face, comb my wet hair, and take a long look at myself in the mirror. Once I've taken it all in, I let out a nice deep sigh and think to myself, "Welp, this is as good as it's going to get."

8:30am- Run around doing things I know I should have just done the night before (make lunch, tidy my room, finish finding Waldo), then put my shoes on, happy that I'm going to be on time for work.

8:31am- Realize I still have something else to do that will make me late for work.

9:05ish am- Arrive at work where my boss will inevitably make a joke to the tune of, "Thanks for joining us." At which time I will wave my hand and grumble.

9:05am-5:30pm- Black out.

5:30-6pm- Leave work, try to avoid eye contact with the soldiers of God lining the entrance to my subway stop, get on the train, and head home.

6:15pm- In a Superman like fashion, change from business attire to my pajamas.

6:30pm- Tell myself I'm going to have a little snack and accidentally fill up on an entire box of Cheez-Its.

7:00pm- Eat dinner anyway.

8:00pm- Somehow the Law and Order theme song is on, my pants are off, and I know I've given up on the night.

I feel like at least some of you know what I'm talking about.

I've been in this routine for about 2 years now, and I am finally ready to hobby up. But I'd been out of the game so long, I decided to turn to the Internet for some suggestions. I searched, "popular hobbies."

The results were ridiculous. They were all way too expensive (traveling, motorcycling, plastic surgery) or complete excuses for hobbies (sleeping, fight club, dating online).

You know what? Dating online is a hobby. It's called Tinder, and it's a great way to have weird fun right from your couch. There really is something oddly satisfying about you and a stranger agreeing that, based on vague pictures, you would definitely at least consider touching each other's butts. I don't have one, but I play with my friends' sometimes.

A Tinder account, I mean. Not butt. I have a butt. And I don't play with my friends'.

Anyway- it all seemed nuts. If these things could be hobbies, maybe I already had a bunch of them, but just didn't realize because I was so used to doing them all the time. So, I decided to look up the definition of hobby.

Hobby- (n) 1. An activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.
                  2. A small horse or pony.

Based on definition 1, these are my current hobbies:
- Cleaning my apartment.
- Rearranging my bookshelf.
- Watching the same movies over and over again.
- Consumption of wine, craft beer, and fancy whiskey.
- Snacking. (see 6:30pm)
- Taking extremely hot showers with the window open a little.
- Online shopping without the buying part.
- Learning about Outer Space and the Ocean, but only in small doses because it makes me panicky.
- Acting retired.

Based on definition 2, I don't have any.

The good news is, at least 4 of the activities on my above hobby list often involve my friends. And since my friends are interesting people, I'm happier having them than hobbies my friends find interesting.

I'm just trying to make myself feel better. Cut me some slack. And anyway, I can always go out and purchase a small horse or pony.

"Lol."- Sallie Mae

1 comment:

  1. That hurt. Sucks, but you may as well make thst lemonade!

    Nice read.