There Are No Losers, Only Different Degrees of Winner.

"To whom it may concern:

If you've made it this far, then I will make the assumption that you feel like this concerns you. This is your last chance to set it down and walk away. If you want to know what it's about, I don't even know yet so I can't help you there and, quite frankly, I really don't want to.

Make Good Decisions,

Gab"

-Gabrielle Albino, February 20th, 2006.

What you just read above is a word for word excerpt from a page I wrote in one of my journals when I was 16. I go on to say,

"Words are useless. These words are useless and I am so for writing them. In all of my uselessness, I have come to know my place. Let's face it, I'm a 16 year old girl that goes to high school and is just as mediocre as everyone else."

That was almost 10 years ago.

Exactly 7 years, 1 month, and 6 days ago, my dad died and that was relatively horrible.

Every year around the time of my dad's death, I tend to find myself getting all weird and introspective. I do things like ponder the meaning of life (is there one?), along with other unusual activities like painting my nails and trying to make myself like cabbage.

This year, I found myself doing my annual ponderfest and I wandered back to a place I find myself often. I'm talking about the place where I remember that writing gives me a certain, unexplainable frisson. So amidst the spiral of nostalgia, I decided to take a look at some of my old journals.

When I read them now, I can see that I was always a well of raw, untapped talent.

October 3rd, 2007

"I haven't been feeling well lately. I think it's from gas."

I'm sure you're thinking right now about why I don't spend all my time writing pure gold like that for the masses. I'll tell you why- BECAUSE GOLD IS WORTH $$$ AND UNTIL I GET MINE, YOU CAN FORGET IT.

That's not true except for the part about gold being worth money. Speaking of money, I'd like to take a quick second to post my own little advertisement, which I hope you will be patient with in exchange for me not having any actual advertisements on this page.

If it helps, read this in the voice of a woman doing radio commercials for a local car dealership that her uncle's friend owns.

Are you incredibly wealthy? Have you always wanted to give away several thousands of dollars to a stranger out of the sole desire to be philanthropic? Would you definitely be interested in living out that lifelong dream with a sort of plain, sometimes disagreeable, lover of labrador retrievers? Then look no further, I'm your gal. Contact me in anyway humanly possible. 

Genuineinquiriesonly.Mustbenostringsattached(meaningIwon'tgiveyousex).Seriously,collegeturnedouttobeexpensive.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

The real reason I don't write all the time is because it's hard and I don't have a ton of extra time outside of work and life and I often make excuses when I am afraid of making myself vulnerable to failure. I'm sure you know the feeling. It's like when you think you want to try rollerblading because you used to do it and it was exhilarating. But then you remember that one incident when you were 10 and fell on your face and bit through your front lip and your little sister started crying and shouting, "I don't want you to die!"while you spat blood all over your driveway.

It's exactly like that. You know.

But there, I just did it. So if everyone could please applaud me and award me with accolades for my effort, it would be appreciated. Because in this day and age, there are no losers, only different degrees of winner.

And if you liked what you read here, keep your eyes open for my next post, which I haven't totally thought up yet, but will likely be about how Beyonce's song, "Drunk in Love" could easily be about me and a box of Cheez-Its.